And I May
by Canadino
Summary: Everyone's a critic. And Hanai's just honest. Hanai/Tajima


**Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the story idea and only some of the witty remarks. I own so little; so please don't steal.**

Background music: -

[=]

It wasn't like his hatred for tall guys was there from the start. In fact, when he was young (and they were all around the same height), Tajima really looked up to tall guys. They towered over him and his tiny, neighborhood baseball team and made their eyes glitter with awe and respect. He had promised all his friends that they'd all grow up and grow really tall and then people would look up to them too.

There was a guy who lived with a pretty wife who was expecting a son of his own. He used to play baseball on his college team and he would always come by their field and shout them encouragements. He was really tall because he was half European and could predict the pathways of the balls they would hit. They took this as his supernatural power of baseball and would always gather around him if he came to watch them.

Sometimes he would bring them treats he picked up at a local convenience store and sit with them as they ate them and chattered about baseball and their favorite players. He was always really nice and he had his baseball power, so he could tell them what they should focus on because it was what they were really good at.

Asakura was stocky and had good balance, so he was supposed to be catcher. Fujimoto was really good at catching pop flies, so he should be in outfield. They took this all as the truth so they followed his direction and established positions for themselves. When he realized, he told them not to be silly and just have fun and play whatever position they liked. This made them admire him even more and he laughed as they stared up at him in shy reverence.

"Tajima, you're special," he told Tajima one evening when everyone was scattering back home before their mothers came to find them. "I think you can play whichever position you'd like because you've got that spark." He poked the incredulous eight-year-old's forehead. "You've got that talent. Don't waste it."

Tajima shook it off. Everyone on the team was good. There were a lot of older boys who scoffed at them when they rode past after _real_ team practice. After a while, the man had to take care of his child and couldn't come watch them play anymore. But it didn't really matter anymore, since middle school was right upon them and they could be one of those older boys. They didn't play on the field anymore.

[=]

It was around middle school when Tajima started to think that maybe tall guys weren't all they seemed to be. The baseball team had an influx of underclassmen players when his year entered and Tajima was clearly the shortest of the new recruits. He made up for it in spunk and introduced himself with a crooked grin.

Expectedly, the underclassmen were responsible for carrying gear and all the trivialities that the upperclassmen couldn't be bothered with. So while most of his fellow underclassmen could easily hitch up a bag or two over their shoulders, he could only manage one. It wasn't that he couldn't handle it – but it was physically impossible for him to balance another bag without tipping over. This didn't bother him so much because he was fast and could get another bag as the others were filling up the bus with their first handfuls.

Still, the upperclassmen noticed this quickly. "Whoever heard of a mouse playing baseball!" they said, and Tajima grit his teeth and pretended not to hear because he didn't want to start a fight. But he heard them talk, even after they watched him play and for once, he wished he were a little taller.

When they played at Little League, Tajima was as proud as any of them to be stepping onto the diamond. He practically lived for these kinds of things. Bouncing off the soles of his feet in the batter's box, he heard one of the parents somewhere saying, "That team must be awfully desperate if they're letting elementary school children play on the team."

Tajima did not feel sorry when he popped a ball toward the stands, hearing that critical voice yell out in surprise.

[=]

Halfway through seventh grade, the old baseball coach had to quit after finding a fulltime job somewhere on the other side of Japan. The man who replaced him was a thick, bulky tree of a man. He clearly favored the boys who emulated him. He allowed Tajima to play only because he was good; but afterwards, he only allowed a _good work_ and lavished praise on the taller players.

Tajima started to think that tall guys probably had their heads in the clouds and thought because they could look over everyone else, they were better than everyone else. He remained cordial to the taller boys, but knew they secretly all scorned him.

But baseball was baseball and everything else came second so Tajima was willing to overlook his coach's treatment and played ball and anyway, the upperclassmen were now the nicer ones since the meaner ones had already graduated.

He heard about his grandpa's stroke in the middle of practice. It took him twenty precious minutes to get his coach's attention, and even after that, he was dismissed with the instructions of waiting until the main part of practice was over and leaving during warm-down. When he got home, the house was empty with no note. He didn't know who to call and he didn't know the hospital's number in the first place.

Later, as he was clutching at his dog and hoping against all odds that his entire family would remember him waiting at home, he would blame the stupid, tall coach. So he didn't listen when the coach told him during his last year of middle school that he ought to be looking at some prestigious schools with successful baseball teams. He'd heard that Nishiura was starting a team and it was pretty close by so it was good enough for him.

[=]

Not to say Tajima disliked _every_ tall guy in the world. His father was tall, for instance (his mom was short; that's where he got his genes from) and Tajima respected him. He was the one who told him to ignore everyone and walk tall when Tajima came home from a scuffle at school with some _tall guys_. His dad was a cool tall guy, and anyway, he was his dad.

His older bro was also tall. But his older bro was cool too. He used to always go to Tajima's neighborhood impromptu games and cheer the loudest; he'd carry him home on his shoulders afterwards. He was the one who taught Tajima many important things, like how to woo a girl and where to hide his porno magazines.

His grandpa, though short and hunched now, supposedly used to be a really tall guy too. In pictures, he would loom over his adorably petite grandmother. He used to tell grand stories of helping people out of buildings and picking apples off the trees without a ladder. At first, Tajima thought them amazing and believed him; now, he still liked listening to them. It was better now he went to school close to his house; he didn't have to walk quite so far to hear his grandpa.

These 'cool tall guys' gave him hope that tall guys didn't have to be naturally critical. It also gave him reason to trust that he could suddenly grow and become a cool tall guy. He would never talk down on short guys because he was there once, and he'd never forget it.

[=]

Hanai was tall. Tajima couldn't tell if he was a jerk or a cool guy. Probably he was going to be a jerk – he was tall _and_ was the cleanup hitter for his old team. They were probably going to pick Hanai to be cleanup and throw him in the outfield. When this did not happen, Tajima didn't feel too terrible making a tall guy the team captain.

Still, Hanai liked to nag, though not always exclusively at him. He reminded everyone to do their homework and go to class. He warned Tajima to keep quiet and not strip in the dugout. At first, he thought Hanai was being a critic but then he thought Mihashi probably wouldn't like him streaking. Mihashi was a cool guy and short, so Tajima relented.

There was still something about Hanai that bothered Tajima though. Hanai wasn't harping on him about his height. He treated Tajima like everyone else on the team. And yet…he _looked_ at Tajima in a weird way.

Like he was _judging him_ or something.

Maybe it was a team captain thing to carefully watch all his teammates, but Hanai didn't scrutinize everyone else. It made Tajima make an extra effort on the field to prove that even though he was short, he was just as able as any tall guy.

Even after Tajima told Hanai point blank he didn't like tall guys, Hanai didn't stop watching him, like he had done something wrong he had yet to atone for. He considered talking to Momoe about it, but Momoe would probably tell him he was just imagining it. And then she'd probably distract him by talking about baseball and he'd forget the main point until later.

So Tajima, being Tajima, decided to nip it in the bud. Purposely talking loudly and leaving his things all over the place, he waited until everyone else had gone to get their bikes after practice. Hanai, predictably, had remained behind to stare at him. The reign of tall guys was going to be over soon, Tajima decided steadfastly.

"Why are you always looking at me?" he demanded when Mihashi stammered his way out after Abe. The locker room was now empty besides the two of them and Hanai was acting as if he didn't know he was knocking Tajima in his mind. He was actually putting his cleats into his locker as if he didn't know a thing.

"What are you talking about?" he asked reasonably.

"You heard me," Tajima announced, storming up to him with as much height as he could muster. He could never really get full in Hanai's face, and if he tried, he would only draw attention to this disability. "I see you keep looking at me. Do you think I wouldn't notice? Tall guys always think no one can see what they're really thinking, even though it's just flying around up there for everyone to see." He was waving his arms around and Hanai leaned back to avoid getting smacked in the face.

"Well, that's…"

"See? Like _that_!" Tajima pointed accusedly at Hanai's face, which was contorted in both surprise and trouble. "I can see you watch me! So why're you doing it?" When Hanai opened his mouth to protest, Tajima advanced as menacingly as he could. "Don't deny it, Hanai! I know what I see when I see it!"

Being caught in the act, Hanai flushed. Tajima resisted the urge to grin triumphantly. That would teach all tall guys in the world not to mess with him. "It's…it's not something you normally say," Hanai mumbled.

"If you've got something to say, just spit it out!" Tajima shouted.

"It's just…usually…I'm thinking about how to kiss you, okay?"

Tajima blinked. A nice, red, floral blush bloomed on his face. "If…if you think I'm going to believe that…when I know it's 'cause you think I'm short…!" Hanai frowned at this and Tajima was getting flustered. "You win this one, tall guy! But mark my words…I'm gonna win the next one, okay?" He vowed this and collected his things faster than he thought himself possible and ran outside.

"A-ah…Tajima…your face is red, are you okay…?"

"I'm gonna win the next one, okay, Mihashi? Don't worry; I'm gonna win it for us shorties!"

"Don't listen to him, Mihashi. Tajima lives in a different world than we do."

[=]

Note: I honestly love Tajima. He's the best. I feel the plight of shorties. It's a tough life down here. Thanks for reading!


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